Facing life problems does not mean turning our back on people who care for us because we don’t want them to suffer the pain we are going through. This is rather causing a new problem to us and to those in our relationship network. For all we know, the people around us are those whom we need the most in that trying difficult situation of our life.
No one in this world, in its history had lived a life problem-free. If there be, that is a corpse lying in a coffin with pushed smile and freshness in the face to effect an illusory mood of peace, eyes forever close in the reality of our troubled world. Another could be an individual alienated from his rational self, whose mind is beaten up that he could no longer differentiate the real from his hallucinations.
There are people who wallow in excruciating pain because they have problems, a lot of problems. They see the problems and feel the pain more than they see the solutions. They get more frustrated because those problems prevent them from going through their life course towards realizing their dreams. Worst, they think they can do it alone.
This world we live in is a crucible that puts our character to the grind. Problems test our character, decisions and actions. Shutting one’s self from the world to focus on the problem may resolve the conflict, but it could also lead to conflicts in relationships. Above problems, life goes on and we must keep on moving, with people who are more valuable than our problems, and anything else.
Problems may be hurting to the one facing it. But, the attitude of the problematic person is also hurting to people who value that persons suffering in pain because they do not want to share the burden. It is false justification to reason that it is to avoid others getting hurt. Apparently, the response is hurting enough to place no value on people who care, because it is destabilizing the relationship through detachment.
We can only bear pain so much. While we harbor pain and keep on seeing the many problems we have, we become blind to the solutions that others may offer. We become numb to how others feel for us. Because we want to be detached as we try to avoid spreading our sorrows, on the other end other souls are in sorrow. We may be able to see the array of possible solutions, but how do we counter check the feasibility of any of these alone with our high bias?
While the world has never ending problems to test every human being, the world has people for other people. Overcoming problems should be that exciting part of life, and it is best achieved with others. That is the basic function of our social nature, to live with others and for others which give back value to our very selves. Since, everyone has faced and solve one form of a problem and another, everyone has something to share as a solution. It is with people we find our value and succeed in life, not in anything else.
The fact is: effective solutions only come after the negative emotions are extracted from the situation. One can cry for catharsis, but it takes someone else to help you figure out better solutions and to tell you how you are doing or actually feeling about the problem. It is false to believe that one can solve a problem on his own. Consider the scholars who determine solutions to problems, consider the scientists consulting others in books or face-to-face, consider the ill who needs a doctor; all these tell that if you have a problem you need help.
Independence has limitations, but interdependence works out win-win solutions. Highly effective people work out solution through the creative power of collaboration or solving it with others. It is conceit and not kindness to shut our door from others who are concerned about us. Helping ourself can only go as far as we can manage, but when we cannot manage our emotions and our relationships because we feel we can solve our problems ourselves, people who care for us may lose interest in helping later on.
A life void of relationship is a life not worth living for. Happy people keep a healthy relationship with others whom they care for and from whom they find comfort. Our significance in this life is also based on how we affected others and how well we purposively lived for and with others. Problems are to be solved and they are not reasons to cut communication lines or just keep a one-way relationship towards the problematic person.
A life without a problem is not life at all. A life full of problems is the worst one could find himself, but it is also the most fruitful and memorable when overcome with others. A person living a problematic life, yet ignoring other’s presence in his life, is in a pathetic situation. All the more, that person needs empathy more than sympathy, but never apathy.
To deal with our many problems, we need to deal with our self, our thoughts, our decisions and emotions. This does not require we cut ties with people who care for us, because they can never be our problems lest they do not really care at all about our situation. There’s no need to worry much about problems, when we know there are people around us who could share them with us. Hakuna matata, yeh!